solace my game and run me through
by lolainslacks
Summary: She can't get too attached. Not to humans, not anymore. These are the things she knows now.


Elena dies in the end.

Really, it shouldn't come as a surprise and yet they fall apart anyway because as much as they anticipated it they never really thought it could happen.

Elena. Dead. Caroline doesn't let herself cry when she hears because watching everyone else fall apart around her is enough.

Alaric's long gone- couldn't stay in Mystic Falls for much longer after Jenna died and so she sleeps at the Gilbert house after Elena dies, cooking Jeremy meals and keeping him occupied and once, late at night when she runs into him outside the bathroom, letting him cry on her lap on the sofa, combing his hair with her fingers until he falls asleep. She doesn't cry for Elena- not yet, but she cries for the brother Elena left behind, who has nobody left, who at 17 has already lost everything he'd ever known.

On more than one occasion she thinks about turning him- he has nobody else anyway, and they could run away together. Feed on animals and live peacefully and forget their life in Mystic Falls. She entertains this idea more than she'd care to admit, what stops her however, is the look Jeremy gets in his eyes when he sees Bonnie- like there's hope for a future even through all of this.

-o-

"Why are you here?" Jeremy asks her one evening about two months after, leaning against the counter as she chops carrots. He says it softly looking down at the ground, like he's sincerely curious.

'Because,' she stops chopping, turns around to face him and waits til he looks up at her, 'you don't have anybody else.'

It comes out firmly, like she needs him to understand. He doesn't say anything, just keeps staring at her, so she adds half-jokingly as she turns back around 'and because you need me'.

It's three full minutes before he replies (she's counting).

She doesn't tell him it's because she needs him, too.

-o-

Weeks pass, and slowly they develop a kind of routine. Jeremy doesn't go back to school and there's nobody there to make him. Caroline figures it's insignificant considering, so she says nothing. They make dinner together on the nights when he's not with Bonnie and she's not back at the mansion checking up on Stefan and she's surprised to learn he's actually a really great cook.

"Yeah I uh, used to help my dad in the kitchen when I was younger." He tells her quietly when they're crumbing chicken one night.

She nudges his arm affectionately and he turns to smile at her. His brown eyes are dark and warm and something inside her twists in this stupid small way and Caroline squashes the feeling down hard and tells herself she's being stupid.

Sometimes they stay up until the early hours of the morning watching stupid 90's romcoms like 'When Harry Met Sally' and even though Jeremy whines playfully about her 'horrible taste in movies' he always stays and watches them to the end, even when she can see he's struggling to keep his eyes open.

(They never talk about Elena or Tyler or everyone that's left or been left behind.)

-o-

It happens late one night when he gets home from hanging out with Matt at The Grill. She wakes up as she hears him trying to tiptoe down the hall and she can tell by his heavy, sluggish footsteps that he's drunk. Caroline's already swinging her legs over the bed to go and help him when she hears him stumble and fall right outside her door, and she's there in a flash, yanking the door open and crouching down to see if he's okay. To her surprise he's giggling when she leans over him and she pushes his hair back from his forehead to check his temperature.

"Jer," she says tentatively, "are you okay?"

"Caaaroline," he slurs, "Caroline the vaaampire."

"Jeremy, come on." she coaxes calmly, ignoring his drunken rambling as she reaches for his arm to help him up.

"No!" He yells, pulling his arm away suddenly and Caroline recoils quickly, blinking. "No!" he repeats. "I don't need any help, okay Caroline. I don't need _your_ help."

Jeremy pushes himself up slowly and stumbles to lean against the railing. He hangs his head and doesn't look at her and Caroline just stands watching him quietly, pressing her hands together. They both stand in silence for a long while and Caroline's about to turn and go back into her room and forget the whole thing when Jeremy asks "Why are you even here Care?" He mutters it so quietly Caroline thinks she probably wouldn't even hear it if she didn't have her heightened senses. She shuffles over slowly to where he's standing next to the bannister and scratches at the chipping polish on her fingernails.

"Jer," she starts nervously, reaching up to stroke his arm lightly.

"No, Caroline." He says louder now, leaning away from her touch. "Don't give me this bullshit about having to look after me anymore, it's been _months_, Care, and I'm not saying that all of this stuff has passed but I can look after myself by now at least. I know you're not here to look after me anymore so what are you doing?" He looks up at her now, dark eyes searching hers and she wants to cry suddenly like everything that's happened in the last few months is finally hitting her.

And then before she can even answer he's leaning down and kissing her, tongue sliding warm and heavy against hers, lips scraping against her teeth. His hand comes up to cup his face, thumb grazing against her cheek and she pulls back suddenly, almost yelping. He stares at her, blinking quickly almost like he's not sure what just happened and she looks away, biting her lip.

"I- Jeremy.." she stutters. She won't look at him.

"Yeah," he half sighs, shifting his feet and Caroline swears she can almost hear defeat in his tone. There's a pause before she hears a muttered "Night, Caroline." And feels him trying to saunter around her to his bedroom. She stops him on a whim as he brushes past her though, grasping his hand and swiveling him toward her before leaning up to press her lips to his mouth. (And Bonnie and Matt and Elena and every single goddamn person in this town, she thinks, but she can't anymore, she can't.)

He's quick to return the kiss, pushing her back against the railing so she can feel the pattern on the wood press into her back, grasping her waist tight and she leans up just as forcefully, licking into his mouth and running her fingers through his hair, scratching at the nape of his neck. When he pulls back finally, he looks down at her again and she hates, hates, hates, that he's looking at her like that, _really _looking at her and this was never going to work from the start.

-o-

She goes back to the Salvatore mansion that night after Jeremy's fallen asleep, tells Stefan they're leaving and that's that. He doesn't argue with her, doesn't care where they go anymore, just swills the last of his scotch and nods once. Caroline thinks he might be even more lost that she is and that's a whole hell of a lot.

She doesn't leave a note for Jeremy, tells herself he's strong enough to cope on his own now, and he still has Bonnie after all.

(She can't get too attached. Not to humans, not anymore. These are the things she knows now.)

She doesn't compel him. This is important, she likes to think, because she knows about Vicki and about Anna and she can't let him go through that again. Not Jeremy (her Jeremy, she thinks quietly to herself sometimes, because she's always been a possessive thing and for those few minutes, he was).

-o-

She and Stefan leave just as dawn is breaking, sun spilling over the horizon and haloing the tallest trees. She turns just once to catch a glimpse of Mystic Falls through the foggy rear window of the car and she thinks one last time of home.


End file.
